I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
