put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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