i would one night stand the shit outta him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
