Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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