God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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