Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
