So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
