A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
