I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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