Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
