I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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