I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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