i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
