im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
