You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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