Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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