Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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