im drinking this country out of the recession.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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