you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
