I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
