a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
