The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
