I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
