When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
