Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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