you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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