I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
