I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
