oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
