That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
