Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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