i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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