I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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