Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
