Who wears a wallet chain?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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