i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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