he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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