White coat. Heels.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
