did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
