He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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