Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
