Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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