Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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