The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
