Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
