I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
