So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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