No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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