Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
