I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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