just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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