God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
