I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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