Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
