Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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