I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
