Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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