I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
