At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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