what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
