he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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